Refresh My Heart (conclusion of chapter two)

It’s hard not to see the connection between the final verses of chapter three of Colossians and Paul’s letter to Philemon since the focus is on the master /slave relationship.  At first you may be inclined to skip these verses since slavery has long since been abolished in our culture.  But if you substitute the words slave and master with say, employee and employer, the principles are as relevant as ever; in fact, what is taught here by Paul can be applied many hierarchical relationships.  In most areas of life, there is either one person or a group of people who are in charge, whether they like it or not.  I’ve always found it interesting that many who have positions of authority often find it a burden and wish to escape their circumstances and become a follower.  On the other hand, it is common for those who are not “in charge” to wish they were.  I think all this proves is that we always seem to want what we don’t have.  It’s like the old saying, “the grass is always greener on the other side.”  The fact is, both those doing the leading and those who are being led, have a responsibility to each other and this is what Paul is addressing in the closing verses of chapter three and the first verse of chapter four.

The message to those who are being led is quite simple; obey those who are in charge and work hard at whatever you have been assigned to do.  The mental picture that Paul suggests, to keep us on task, is to remember that it is the Lord we are serving.  Paul frequently reminds his readers that no matter what we think, say or do; we are to do it all for the glory of God and to the best of our ability.  Why is this so important?  Because we are Christ’s representatives in this world and as such, are to fulfill our earthly duties so as to not bring even a hint of shame or dishonor to the one we ultimately serve, Jesus Christ.  The goal is to perform our duties in this world with such distinction that others might ask why we are so diligent.  This affords us the opportunity to give an answer and to share the good news about Jesus Christ. We are to make ourselves distinctive from the world for this expressed purpose.  This is what it means to be “holy,” for holiness is nothing more, or less, than being set apart for God and his purposes.

Paul’s next point, as to how we are to relate to others, is to be diligent “not only when their eye is on you and only to win their favor.”  In other words, don’t be a phony or a suck-up.  Have you ever said or did something just to get on someone’s good side, but when their back is turned you say to yourself, “If they only knew what I really think…what I’d really like to do.”  This is the type of thinking and behavior that ultimately leads to failure, when our real motivation is finally exposed.  If you didn’t have anything to be forgiven of before, you surely will if you have a self-serving attitude.

What is Paul’s central message to a leader, the one who’s in charge?  The answer is simple and to the point, so much so, it is expressed in a single sentence; the one who is in charge, who has the burden of leadership, is to “provide what is right and fair.”  If you have decided to take the lead because of your desire put things right between yourself and someone with whom you are estranged, then it is time to provide all that is necessary to get the job done.  Where does this provision come from?  It comes from what God has given you to share with others. You should not be looking to them to make the first move, for it is your responsibility to reach out and give whatever is necessary to achieve true reconciliation.  Giving can mean material things, but more often than not it is giving up your pride and desire to win.  It means taking on an attitude of humility and being willing to endure whatever may come as a result.  If you can accomplish this change of heart and mind, you are well on your way to being reconciled and restored.

One of the major sticking points is determining what is “right and fair.”  Most likely, the one with whom you are estranged will have a different definition than yours.  The one strategy that I can almost guarantee won’t’ work in determining fairness and bringing about peace is negotiation.  This may seem like a rational way to work things out, after all, isn’t that the strategy that nations use to bring about peace after months of conflict and war?  We’ll just get together and negotiate a peace treaty, of sorts.  The problem is, more often than not, peace treaties are negotiated after one side or the other has gained the upper hand or been eviscerated the other.  The whole idea of negotiation is to reach an accommodation where both parties retreat to their corners with their pride still intact.  This may sound like an ideal and plausible solution, but it is not the biblical model, or God’s model when seeking reconciliation.  Let’s examine the biblical model that Jesus both taught and lived.

Refresh My Heart through Godly Persuasion

(Chapter One continued)

I was at a funeral a number of years ago and someone close to me, whom I had known for many years, seemed almost inconsolable with grief.  When I had an opportunity to speak with him I was told that the reason for the intense grief was our mutual friend’s death had come before they could reconcile their differences and that he wished he could turn the clock back and make things right.  Frankly, I don’t remember my response but I know what it should have been.  It’s never too late to forgive and to be forgiven.  Now that our mutual friend was gone all he needed to do was to forgive him out of love, simple yet powerful selfless love.  Of course there would be one more person to forgive and that was himself.  Often, forgiving ourselves can be the most difficult task.  But once it is done, the process of reconciliation can begin and the feelings of regret and loss can be replaced by joy and the good memories they shared in the past.  The point is that forgiveness and reconciliation are not dependent on an apology.  We can say I’m sorry a thousand times, but unless there is forgiveness based on unselfish love for one another, reconciliation can never be accomplished. This is what Paul is pointing to when he writes to Philemon, “Your love has given me great joy and encouragement because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints (v.7).”  Paul was looking forward to the forgiveness and reconciliation that would take place between Philemon and Onesimus and the new and more meaningful relationship they would share.  Paul would also benefit by being part of their fellowship.  Paul writes, “So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me.”

Most of us are familiar with the account of the apostle Peter, on the night Jesus was arrested, denying even knowing him and abandoning Jesus in his hour of greatest need.  As bold as Peter was when he walked at Jesus’ side, Peter was nowhere to be found at the Lord’s crucifixion.  The account of Jesus forgiving Peter for his desertion, however, is not so familiar to most but can be found in the Gospel of John, chapter 21.  Jesus was walking along the banks of the Sea of Tiberias where he saw Peter and a few of his friends about to embark on a night-long fishing trip.  According to the account, Peter and the others were unable to net even a single fish and as they were coming in, Jesus called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you caught any fish?”  They called back to Jesus, “no” and Jesus told them to throw the net out one more time and they would have more fish than their net could hold.

The catch was 153 large fish, almost more than they could drag to shore, and it wouldn’t be long before one of them recognized Jesus and cried out, “It is the Lord.”  Then Jesus told them to bring some of the fish over to the fire so they could enjoy a meal together.  John tells us that they all recognized Jesus but were afraid to acknowledge who he was.  This should come as no surprise since although they may have heard the rumor of Jesus’ resurrection from the grave, to be in the presence of someone who was dead just days before would give anyone pause.  Very little was said during the meal but when they were finished, Jesus asked Peter three times, “Do you love me, do you truly love me?”  There was no demand for an apology or request for forgiveness, only the question, “Do you love me” and Peters reply, “Yes Lord you know that I love you.”  The only thing that mattered was love, selfless and sacrificial love; which was more than enough to bring about complete reconciliation and restoration of their relationship.  All that Jesus asked of Peter was to share his love saying, “Feed my sheep… take care of my sheep.”  Peter was no longer just a fisherman, but would become the rock upon Christ would build his church, a fisher of men and a shepherd to many.

Myth #2 The egregiousness of the offense dictates whether or not forgiveness and reconciliation is possible; or even required.

“I can’t believe that she would think so little of me that she’d go behind my back and betray everything we ever meant to each other!  And to make matters worse, she thinks she can simply say I’m sorry and that she will never do it again and somehow all will be as before.  What she did to me is beyond anything I could have imagined and unforgivable.  Sure, maybe I haven’t been as attentive as I should but that’s no excuse for her betrayal.  Maybe if she was able to see our life together from my view, what I have to contend with, she’d be supportive instead of just throwing me away like a piece of trash.  No, I’ll never forget; I’ll never be able to forget.”

Any of these thoughts sound familiar?  The circumstances may be different and perhaps less acute but the root of the issue remains the same, selfishness instead of selflessness.  Did you notice the number times the words I and me were used?

Now it is only natural and a principle of the laws that govern our lives; the more serious the crime the more serious the punishment.  This is pounded into our minds from childhood and by adulthood, an assumption.  This doesn’t mean that we don’t leave room for justifiable acts that on their face are wrong or the concept of mercy, but the reality is that when we are wronged; our human desire is to return with equal or greater force, a penalty that fits the crime.  This is what we call justice, but when does justice cross the line and become revenge?  These are all valid observations and thought provoking questions; we could debate them for hours, but the point I’m trying to make is that how we view any conflict in our lives, regardless of severity, must be viewed in the light of our obligation to forgive and be reconciled.

There will always be consequences for our actions and we should expect them, but we also should expect forgiveness and know that we are obligated to forgive.  And after forgiveness has begun, the process of reconciliation must be next.  This principle was handed down to us by God and has no exclusions or exceptions based on the egregiousness of the offence. One of the classic and often repeated responses that I’ve got from people I’ve tried to help in resolving their differences is, “I know I should…BUT.”  It’s always what comes after the “but” that’s the problem.  “I know he’s trying, but I just can’t deal with his…”  “I know he’s trying and I forgive him but how much longer must I take it…”  We’ve all been there, if not you will be one day with someone.  So what should the after the “but” statement be?  There is no one answer but the right answer will be based on what you are focused on.  If your focus remains on the offense, the words used in an apology, your feelings or the injustice of the matter, then don’t expect things to get better any time soon.  The focus must be on reconciliation and what steps you can take to further that end.  Anything and I mean anything that distracts or hinders reaching that objective must be dismissed and avoided.  Now don’t miss understand me, I’m not talking about overlooking wrong behavior and in doing so become an enabler of that behavior.  Forgiveness begins with recognizing evil as evil and wrong doing as wrong, but once recognized and accepted, progress can be made toward the ultimate goal, reconciliation.

In Paul’s letter to Philemon, he knows that what he’s asking will be difficult.  Paul doesn’t try to minimize the offense or try to shield Onesimus from the consequences of his actions.  Paul’s focus is on reconciliation and once accomplished, using the whole matter to point to Christ and the forgiveness he provided by his death on the cross.  Paul seeks to use Onesimus and Philemon’s new relationship as an example of the reconciliation we all are in need of with God because of our failed human nature and the enmity it creates.  Jesus puts it this way, “You have heard it said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.  If you love those who love you, what reward will you get (Matthew 5:43, 46).”  So what is this reward Jesus is speaking of, “that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.”  The reward is having a relationship with God, a relationship that a son has with a loving and just Father, the relationship that Jesus shares with his Father.

One of the most widely known passages of the bible is The Lord’s Prayer, found in Matthew, chapter six.  Part of that prayer is asking God to help us forgive others just as God forgives us.  But it’s what follows that should give us pause.  The only subject that Jesus chooses to emphasize, immediately following his teaching this prayer to his disciples, is about the importance of forgiving one another.  “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive you (Matthew 6:14-15).”  Again, there is no mention or qualifiers as to seriousness of the offense or how often they have been committed; only that forgiveness is an imperative, if we wish to have a relationship with God.  It’s unfortunate indeed when our desire for revenge or retribution becomes more important than our relationship with God.  Our focus must remain on reconciliation and the reality that nothing is impossible with God, nothing under heaven or earth (Luke 1:37, Genesis 18:14).  The God who created the universe and all that is in it, is unlimited in His reach and wants above all else for us to share in His goodness and grace.  What is this grace; it is the love he showers on us even when we don’t deserve it.  This is what is expected of us.

 

Gone, but not forgotten?

My “blogging” will be temporarily interrupted next week since Cindy and I will be traveling on business next week, returning on Thursday.  Please pray for our safe travel and return.

Now what do we do?

“The company was great and I couldn’t believe the great time we had together yesterday, but I’m exhausted.  ‘Yes honey, I’m going to go lay down and put my feet up.  Thank you for your concern.’  With all the noise and the hub-bub, I can’t believe the baby was able to sleep at all.  I just need to catch a quick nap before I have to get up feed him again.  ‘Where are you going, honey?  You’re right, we did eat just about everything in sight over the last two days and our guests, let’s just say they enjoyed our humble fare.’  I wish I had been able to prepare something for them, but I’m sure they understood.  Actually, the carry-out was pretty good and besides, they didn’t come here to eat but to see the baby.  I have to say, I’ll be glad to get home and get back to normal, but will anything ever be normal again?  Didn’t I hear them say they would be back tomorrow some time?  I hope Joseph remembered, and he brings back enough food for us and those hungry shepherds.” 

If you hadn’t guessed it, that was a fictional minute from the day after Christmas and the words and thoughts of a girl named Mary.  I can just imagine all the things going through both Mary and Joseph’s minds immediately following the birth of Jesus.  “Maybe the visit by the Angel wasn’t real after all and it all was just a dream.  But the baby, how does a dream explain the baby?  I know that I have never been unfaithful to Joseph or to God by having sex before marriage.  So it must be true, my beautiful baby is the Son of God.  My infant son will redeem my people, all people and even myself and Joseph.  I wish I understood, I hope Joseph can make sense of it for me. Maybe the angel will come back and explain it all to me and answer all my questions?  What are Joseph and I to do with this child we named Jesus.  He’s so beautiful and I love him so much.   I know that I have nothing to be afraid of, but I am anyway.”

Over the next few days I am taking the liberty of accompanying Mary and Joseph on their trip home.  It will all be just fiction, but we will examine some of the issues Mary and Joseph must have faced and how those issues and questions relate to our own lives.  The question we will explore is;  what happens next, how can we return to normal, knowing full well that the Savior has been born and His name is Jesus?  The questions and the answers are anything but fictional and ones that have immediate and eternal significance for us.

Tool # 147  Mary asked, “How will this be?”  The angel replied, “Nothing is impossible with God.”  Luke 1: 34 & 37

I am God!

In the 1993 movie, “Malice,” Alec Baldwin plays a highly skilled surgeon who is accused of playing God in the operating room, resulting in his patient’s death.  Baldwin’s, now famous reply to his accusers was, “I am God!”  His audacity shocked everyone in the room, especially his lawyer.  In the end, the doctor’s skill, pride and greed leads to his destruction. 

The same can be said of the city of Tyre and her king.  Ezekiel uses the word wise or wisdom eight times in chapter 28 to describe what led to their ultimate fate.  Although there are a number of Hebrew words that are translated into the English word wisdom, the word used by Ezekiel in chapter 28 is by far the most common.  It is commonly used to refer to a persons skills and abilities, not the attribute of God.  Identifying wisdom, as a human skill or ability certainly fits better with beauty and splendor, as Ezekiel links them together in verse 17.  Ezekiel explains the cause of Tyre’s downfall saying, “Your heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom.”  With all her skill in business and trade, where did she go wrong?  The merchants of Tyre committed fraud and extortion to grow their wealth and position and it would be God who would hold them accountable and punish their sin by sending the army of Nebuchadnezzar to destroy them. (28:7, 16-18)

The progression goes something like this… we begin by wanting to provide for ourself and our family by being the best we can be.  Isn’t that what God would want?  Isn’t that being a good steward of the wisdom (skills and abilities) God has provided?  As we face challenges and failures, we say to ourselves, “I just need to work a little bit harder and smarter and capitalize on those things that make me unique.”  Before you know it,  your dreams of success are within your grasp but you ask yourself, “What if I work a little bit harder, work a little bit later and maybe cut a few corners.?  My competition does, so why should I be at a disadvantage?  Besides, it’s for the family, not me.  That new house, nicer car and that vacation to Hawaii we’ve been planning, sure sound good right now.  It’s what people of our status deserve…and I’ve earned it.”  Then the unexpected happens, maybe it’s the loss of a key customer or some decision gone wrong, but the result is the same.  The material world you built, the faith you placed in your own abilities, your reputation with customers, friends, and even family members comes crashing down.  All that you are left with is a question, why me?

To be accused of playing God is a serious accusation, but isn’t that what we are doing when we ignore God’s will, His leading and substitute our own in its place?  It becomes, our will be done, not His will be done.  Human wisdom can lead us closer to God or farther away, the choice is ours to make.  If we seek and rely on God’s wisdom, it only leads in one direction…closer to Him, our Lord Jesus Christ.

Tool #121  “Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord.”  1 Corinthians 1:31, Jeremiah 9:24